Vancouver Canucks, Rick Tocchet

A Canucks Fan’s Daydream – Just For Fun (satire)

Bulletin: April 14, 2023 – Vancouver – With their 6-1 victory over the Arizona Coyotes Thursday night in front of 3,413 Desert Dog diehards at the Mullett Arena in Tempe, the Vancouver Canucks punched their ticket to the 2023 Stanley Cup playoffs, having won their final 21 games in a row.

The mind boggling, record setting performance turned the NHL world upside down and left the Canucks brass celebrating while in disbelief.

“I knew the re-tool would work,” Vancouver President of Hockey Operation Jim Rutherford said, ” I just didn’t expect it to work this quickly.”

The local media struggled to find anything to complain about.

“It should have been a shut-out,” one reporter tweeted having watched the game on TV. “What the hell was Tyler Myers doing on that Bokondji Imama goal?!”

Canucks Russian forward Andrei Kuzmenko finished the night with two goals and ended the season with 44 to lead the team and finish 10th in the NHL, one ahead of former Canucks captain Bo Horvat. He added an assist.

“Like I say before, I love hockey. Just simple,” Koozy said postgame.

J.T. Miller fell just short of the 40 goal mark with 39, having scored 15 over the final 17 games.

Vancouver goalie Thatcher Demko won 20 of the final 21 games, including 19 in a row. That included a back-to-back starts earlier in the week at the LA Kings and Anaheim Ducks, games Vancouver won easily.

“At that point, we played him because we were getting close, so why not,” Canucks GM Patrik Allvin said. “What the hell.”

LA had already locked up a playoff spot while the Ducks just didn’t really give a hooey.

Canucks Pessimist Nightmare Version

Bulletin: April 14, 2023 – Vancouver – With their 6-1 loss to the Arizona Coyotes last night in front of 3,413 Desert Dog diehards at the Mullett Arena in Tempe, the Vancouver Canucks finished one point short of the 2023 Stanley Cup playoffs, despite winning twenty of their final 21 games.

The Canucks finished one point behind the Seattle Kraken, who clinched the final wild card spot with a 9-8 overtime victory in Vegas against the Golden Knights. Had Seattle lost, the Canucks would have moved on.

The Kraken open the postseason right back at Vegas this weekend while Vancouver missed the NHL Draft Lottery and will pick 15th overall at the NHL Draft in Nashville.

“Holy ?%#$ @$&?ing $%?&,” Canucks forward J.T. Miller told the media postgame.

(–Don’t count on either of these scenarios unfolding, but it sure is fun to daydream–)

Rob Simpson

Rob Simpson has covered the NHL in five different decades. He’s authored 4 books on hockey and is a veteran TV and radio play-by-play man and reporter.